To Feel Again
by EffingFractals
Summary: Anna always knew she was adopted, but that never really seemed to matter, until the day she lost her family all over again. Elsa had long since forgotten how to cry, forgotten what most emotions felt like really. Can the two find a way to fix each other? ELSANNA
1. Chapter 1

Anna always knew she was adopted. She knew that when she was very young something terrible happened to her mommy and daddy, though she was never told exactly what that terrible thing was. But she would often crawl into the lap of her new momma and ask her to tell the story of how they met. How her new momma laid eyes on Anna for the first time and fell in love with the tiny red head. Apparently there had been some fuss about taking the child into the palace, but her momma wouldn't hear any form of reason. She told Anna and that and she and her father fought for weeks, but she was determined to adopt her. Anna would always snuggled in close and ask what happened next, and her momma would always tell her that the little red headed girl charmed the king until he was wrapped around her finger and wanted nothing more than to spoil her rotten. The story would usually end with papa sneaking up on the two and whisking the little girl away, yelling about how rottenly spoiled she was and tickling her until she shrieked.

Yes, Anna always knew she was adopted, but that never seemed to matter, until the day that it did. Until the day she was faced with that closed door.

The best part about having a new family was having a sister, but Anna didn't get just any sister, she got to be sisters with the kindest most beautiful girl she'd ever met. Her momma was worried she would be shy around the princess, but Anna fell in love with her at first sight. The two hit it off wonderfully, with Anna always racing ahead and tearing down the halls, leaving Elsa in the dust. While Elsa took to Anna like a proper older sister, always protecting her and keeping her out of trouble as often as she could. This generally meant getting herself into unnecessary trouble, but she loved Anna more than anything and always took the fall for their mischiefs.

At least, that's how Anna remembered it.

Her life was paradise until she was met with that first closed door. Then she was met with the same door everyday for the next ten years. For the most part it didn't affect her sunny disposition. She was still the life of the castle; the staff and servants all adored the feisty little princess. Her father would chastise the staff at times, mostly Gerda and Tai, for spoiling her so much that there wasn't anything left for him to do. But banter like that also ended when the door shut. Papa was quieter and less rambunctious in his affections for his youngest when the door shut. He tried so hard show Anna that everything was ok, but she knew that the stress and worry lines came from the closed door. Her mother and father's worry wrinkles only made the girl that much more cheerful, she felt she had to carry the weight of their smiles, or no one would.

But even her fierce personality and determination to bring light to the ever darker castle couldn't keep away the darkness she faced at the closed door. Her cries of laughter would quiet and her running feet (yes, she informed her mother, she did have to run everywhere she went) would slow when she passed the door in the hall. Once a day, she would go to the door. Sometimes it was early in the morning, when the sky finally woke up. Sometimes it was late at night, when her own anxieties got to be too much for her. She would go to the door and knock quietly, "Elsa? Do you want to build a snowman?"

She was very young when this ritual started, the ritual of the closed door and the pleading request. But she was old enough to know she was adopted. And she was old enough to worry that this fact was why her sister didn't love her anymore.

The older she got, the less often she would knock, and the more often she would sit and stare at the door for hours into the night. Hoping, praying, that by some miracle the door would open, and her sister would come out and say it was all just a big mistake. That Elsa loved her and wanted her. But inevitably, Anna would lose the staring match with the door; she would sigh and wander back to her own room, holding conversations with the paintings on the way. These sessions with her and the door became almost a meditative ritual, it was the only time her mind and mouth were silent, the only time when the ever-bounding energy was sapped from her limbs.

She wasn't worried when her parents went to visit a neighboring kingdom; it was a normal trip, something that they did fairly regularly. She was supposed to go with them originally, she loved getting out of the palace and meeting new people, but she had woken up that morning with a sore throat and a head that felt like it was the size of a watermelon. A week later she got the news.

She was in the middle of trying to sweet talk her way out of an assignment with one of her tutors. Her version of sweet talking being: talking so fast they can't understand you, therefore not giving them time to assign anything, and tripping on your way out the door. This worked especially well with the etiquette teachers, who were not used to dealing with full-grown princesses that had the restraint and filter of a five year old.

She took in the news like it was a slap in the face; she was frozen for a second, and then ran straight to her spot in the hallway, to be alone with the door. She assumed someone had already been to see the door, seeing as behind it lived the actual heir to the throne. They left her alone with her staring contest for hours, she hadn't even figured out how to cry yet. She heard Gerda in the hallway talking to Tai, "I've never seen her so quiet, poor lass," she said through her own tear stained face. Anna felt a warm hand on her shoulder and motherly arms surrounding her; she then remembered how to cry.

The night after the funeral, for the first time in forever, she knocked on the door. Desperate to interact with what was left of her family. But just like every other time, she was met with cold silence. She slid to the floor with her back against the unforgiving door. She began a new tradition of sobbing against the closed door, one she continued every night for the next several months before she reverted back to her old staring contest.

Anna always knew she was adopted, but it never really mattered until she lost her family all over again.

**A/N: This is super short, but I'm looking to maybe use it a set up for an Elsanna fic. It's a one shot for now, but I have some ideas for making it into a proper story. Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

~~ELSA~~

Elsa almost broke that night, when she heard her sister crying against the door. And she almost broke every night after that.

The icy blonde had long since forgotten how to cry, forgotten what most emotions felt like. Every once in awhile she'd feel a stab of fear or anxiety, but even those spikes were few and far between. Nothing really penetrated the cloud around her anymore.

She thought maybe she should feel something at the news of her parents, but there was nothing. Maybe a bit of relief, as her last real tie to this world had gone. Maybe now it would be ok, to just stop. There was no one to compel her to keep going anymore, without the outside driving force, what would be the point?

But she...well she almost felt something, when the girl slumped against her door; all she wanted was for the eldest to let her in. But no, as soon as the spark made itself known she silenced it with a string of "conceal, don't feel"

Not feeling hadn't been a problem for years now, but concealing still escaped her. She could feel the storm inside, but it was in a place she could no longer touch. It was shielded from her psyche; she could sense it, but there was no control. The frost that escaped her fingertips was evidence of emotions she could no longer deal with. That first night, she iced over the door, muffling her sisters cries and pacing the remainder of the night, as a storm brewed above her head.

She didn't stop though. Not the next day or the day after. She knew there wasn't a point in going, but she didn't really know how to break the routine. Everyday she would get up, read, train, and study to be the monarch she was destined to be. This had been her life since she was shut up in that room. She got up that morning just like every other, though now her routine was a bit different. Now that her parents were gone she had to step up and use her training. She couldn't make any real binding decisions for the kingdom without the approval of the counsel. At least until she came of age and was crowned Queen, but that didn't stop her from becoming intimately involved in the affairs of the kingdom. She had a knack for it, something she took no pride in, it was merely due to long hours of isolation and boredom. Plus the fact that her father's study was basically the only other room in which she was allowed to be unsupervised.

"Your Majesty? Miss Elsa?"

She was abruptly brought back to the present; it was coronation week, and she was being fitted for the big day.

"Yes, I am sorry for my inattention," her voice apologetic to the seamstress, as she shifted her body in the direction she was told.

She had enjoyed the last three years, as much as she could enjoy anything with the ever-oppressive cloud hanging around her. She found she liked the way no one told her what to do anymore; it was almost like real freedom. Almost. But the years in isolation had left her damaged, she knew that. Despite wandering around the castle for the last three years, doing her duty to her kingdom, she had still managed to avoid ever seeing her sister. Well, more like managed to avoid being seen by the red head. She sensed that seeing the girl might finally make the storm break inside of her. As appealing as that was, she'd grown too comfortable with her nothingness to want to poke at the chaos hiding inside her again.

She remembered the last time she poked at the raging storm inside. It was her sisters sixteenth birthday. There was to be a large party in the castle in celebration. Father had decided to break his one rule about the closed gates, just to make his little girl happy. Elsa found she desperately wanted to attend. She wanted to celebrate the life her younger sister gave to the castle. She knew her parents only source of real happiness came from Anna in those days. She was growing colder within her soul and wanted a piece of joy to hold on to, she just wanted to know she could still feel happiness. But father forbade her from attending, she just knew he was ashamed of her, that he wished that Anna could be the first and maybe only in line for the throne. That was the last nail in her proverbial coffin. After that night of sitting in her room listening to the sounds of merriment in the surrounding halls, she cut off the remaining access to her emotions. With that she cut off any semblance of control of her power. Bursts of magic came and went without her interference, but the less she felt, the less often they came around. _Father would be proud_, she thought bitterly, before she sank again into apathy.

Later that day Elsa found herself in her room with the traditional regalia of being crowned. She went through the ceremony in her head for the fiftieth time that day. The priest would say this and she would respond with this, and so on. Then she would take off her gloves, receive the symbols of Monarchy, be declared Queen, and move on with her life.

As she picked up the scepter a thought struck her, what if her powers manifested in front of the whole crowd? Everyone in attendance would be horrified. They would call her a witch and a sorceress. She could be run out of the kingdom.

"I could be run out of the kingdom." She tasted the words on her tongue and let the idea seep into her mind. "Maybe I'd be caught," she murmured," or even burned at the stake," _I could be done._ She ended the thought in her mind, unwilling to say it out loud.

But no, she willed the ludicrous thoughts away, "Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them in, don't let them know," she repeated over and over again.

The day of the coronation flew by in rush, with Elsa being thrown here and there. Her maidservants frantically trying to help her get ready, while she continually fought off their helpful hands; she was extremely uncomfortable at the prospect of touching other humans, and being touched, she had no trust in her ability to control the power. The young blonde thanked the gods that she didn't have to receive the guests until the reception following the actual coronation. Eventually she just shoed everyone out of the room and grabbed on the chance to clear her head in quiet. It was funny how all those years she hated the isolation, but being faced with people was very disconcerting.

"It's only for today," she said firmly, comforting herself. After today she could go back to concealment and running the kingdom without being a part of it.

Then suddenly, she was in front of the priest. Thank goodness she had gone over the ceremony until she could do it in her sleep, the crowd and bustle of the day were really getting to her, she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up the façade. _I have to put on a good face, my people must have confidence in me, so I can go back to never seeing them again_. He handed her the scepter and orb, pronouncing her Queen of Arendelle. For a moment, as she stood in front of the audience, she recalled her earlier thoughts. She looked down at her bare hands holding the regalia, she willed frost to come from her fingertips, but to her disappointment nothing happened. _Oh well, looks like I'm going through with this, Arendelle has a new ruler. _She forced a benevolent smile onto her face, this was a terrible idea, what was her father thinking? _He was hoping this would never happen, that's what he was thinking_, one of her inner tormenter said, _he always hoped you would finish the job yourself, before it ever came to this._

~~ANNA~~

Anna loved the hustle and bustle of the day. She couldn't believe that this morning she had actually forgotten it was coronation day! She was currently in front of the mirror, fixing her hair again for the umpteenth time that day. Apparently frolicking around the castle was not conducive to keeping wild hair in a nice and behaved style.

She finally abandoned the fruitless endeavor when she heard a flurry a movement outside her door.

"They're opening the gates Miss Anna!" A young maidservant popped in the door, knowing the princess would be beyond excited at this news.

Anna gasped and flew out of the room, practically hurtling for the gates, she giggled at a fond memory of when she was younger and doing the very same. Her mother would frown and ask why she was in such a hurry. Anna would always answer with, " Because the space between where I was and where I want to be is a waste of my time." Her father would only grin at her and shake his head, announcing it was impossible to argue with that logic.

She slowed down as she exited the castle and whirled around, trying to see all the sights at once. Arrendele was even busier than usual, what with all of the visitors for the coronation. She soaked in the sounds and the colors of the beautiful spring day. Maybe she'll meet a prince! _Oh wait, what if I actually do meet a prince? What if he's THE prince? The one?! We could get married and he would take me away. Or maybe we'll stay here and the gates would be open forever and always! For first the time in forever, I wouldn't have to be alone. _The thoughts swirling around in her head made her shriek with joy, which earned her a few odd looks from the people in the immediate area.

And, BAM, she suddenly knocked off her feet and landed in a boat. _A boat, what? Oh good gods, that guy is looking at me. No wait, his mouth is moving, HE'S TALKING TO ME. _"hmm? Yes, I'm fine, are you fine? Of course you are. Fine I mean. Yes. Fine." She stopped and stared for a second, she thought his mouth was moving again, but she was way too distracted by the way his bangs were trying to escape his slicked back hair.

_Oh my gods, he IS a prince! Oh what's my name…? Anna, yes it's Anna. Now he's bowing, should I curtsy? _Anna had to try hard to remember all the lessons she hadn't paid attention to. _I think it's too late to curtsy now. _Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard bells ringing in the tower, the coronation. _I'm going to be late! I just gotta stare at him another second, look at the way his mouth moves when he smiles! Wait, staring is rude. Aaaaand I'm gonna be late! _

Anna gave Hans a hurried goodbye and dashed back to the castle. She made it to the ceremony just in time to stand witness to her sister. Her sister. She did a double take as she realized that for the first time in years she was standing right next to her sister. She fought the urge to gawk at the form next to her, not wanting to look foolish in front of all these people. Despite wanting to desperately look, Anna also found that for some reason, she wasn't sure she had the courage to actually look her sister in the face. She kept her eyes downcast, or on the priest, or even on the crowd, anywhere but Elsa.

She shouldn't have been worried, because Elsa ran off to god knows where as soon as the ceremony was over.

Anna looked around, checking for Hans, _Maybe I'll see him at the reception tonight, oh wait, there's a reception tonight! I've got to get ready! _She disappeared back to her own room to fix her hair, again. Maybe she could track down some help this time, goodness know she and her mane could certainly use it.

Anna didn't know why, but it never crossed her mind once that her sister would be at the reception. She kicked herself in the head, where else would the newly crowned monarch be? She had to greet the guests and accept all of the congratulations. No matter how logical it seemed in hindsight, Anna was still shocked when she looked out across the room, to meet those ice blue eyes. Time stood still. Hans, who she had originally been looking for, was entirely forgotten; the red head only had eyes for her sister, the most beautiful girl in the room. Somehow she was being escorted to the dais to stand beside the Queen. When her feet refused to start working again, she was practically shoved into her sister by that silly announcer guy, (she really should have paid more attention in classes when they were going over roles and titles). They hadn't broken eye contact until she tripped her way up the stairs. She vaguely heard their names and titles being announced, but she was too busy concentrating on the floor and trying to figure out how to look up again, to really pay attention.

She felt movement beside her, as someone leaned down to her and whispered "Hi."

Had she imagined it? No, there they were, those icy blue eyes again. "Hi…Hi Me?" She saw the eyes nod and Anna's world exploded in happiness.

**A/N: So I've decided to keep going with this story, as such I'm changing the title because the original is a better one-shot title and I want something that better encompasses the whole story. Let me know what you guys think of this chapter! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen **

Elsa felt a spark of, well, of something when she saw the little red head enter the room. She felt her hands frost over as she held them behind her back and she felt all warm inside. _Well that's new_, she thought to herself. It wasn't a painful spark, like all the others she sporadically felt, it was nice and it just begged to be prodded. So when her sister was forced onto the dais along side her, she couldn't help but bend over and whisper a greeting.

"Yes, you." Elsa giggled out in response to Anna's stuttering. "You look beautiful tonight."

_Wait, what the hell happened to conceal don't feel? You are feeling and it needs to stop, _she admonished herself._ Yes, of course_, she squished the sparks of warmth almost angrily, then let the anger fade back into apathy.

"I wish it could be like this all the time." Anna's voice brought her back to the present conversation.

"Well it can't. " She said firmly, knowing that it was only for tonight.

"Why not?"

_Why not_? The question caught Elsa off guard; it had always been like this and it always will be like this. Why should she expect any different. The spark pulsed in the back of her mind, _because you used to be best buddies_… She ignored the voice; she didn't want to deal with the past right now.

"It just can't," was the response she finally gave.

She watched as Anna slunk off, presumably hurt by her sister's staunch indifference. For her part, Elsa was starting to find the whole party exhausting. Keeping up the queenly façade was a lot of work, all she wanted to do was go back up to her father's study and read about anyone's life but hers.

The fake sparkle had faded from her eyes and it was becoming harder and harder to pay attention to the room around her as she retreated further into herself again. The encounter with her sister had raised up feelings she wasn't prepared for, she needed to find an excuse to get out of here as soon as possible. It took everything she had left in her to listen as rotund duke in front of her went on and on about his grandchildren; as such she failed to notice Anna making her way towards her.

_Well at least she looks happier this time. _Then she noticed the reason for the happiness, _wait a second, is that a guy on her arm?_

All her lessons on royal deportment went out the window when she heard the word marriage, and her mouth fell open. _What the hell, it's been like twenty minutes since she left my side. Ok no, this is not happening_, she slipped into her queen persona, _there are dozens of factors to consider. They'd met this night, that's terrible for our reputation. There needs to be courting, and who is this guy anyways? Did she say he was the youngest of the Southern Isles Kingdom? _She went through her list of kingdoms and families that she had memorized for this occasion. She was pretty certain that Hans was at least tenth in line for the throne, but she couldn't remember exactly how many sons that king had._ Anna is worth way more than that, a second or third in line at least. Though I suppose she is adopted, I need to take that into account, the lowest I'd go is a fourth. Plus alliances need to be made! His father should have opened up negotiations._ Her mind raced through these factors very clinically, as if she was reading off a list from a textbook.

She noticed that her thinking had been causing her to be quiet as the couple waited for an answer. _I should have been saying some of these things out loud. _She pulled her scattered mind together and asked Anna if they could speak alone, trying to buy more time, her world was falling apart, she needed to time to get it back together.

"No, whatever you have to say, you can say it to both of us."

Elsa had never heard such a foolish statement, but fine, whatever the childish princess wanted. She grasped at her mask and slipped back into the less frazzled Queen Mode, she drew up in her most regal bearing and said, "You cannot marry a man you just met."

"You can if it's true love!"

"Anna, what do you know about true love?" She hadn't meant for it to come out as condescending as it did. Her signals were getting crossed, she was slipping out of Queen and Loving Sister, to the cynical monster she tried to hide.

"All you know is how to shut people out!"

That gave the ice queen a pause, she was so tired of this, she wanted everything to just go back to the way it was; the emptiness was her safe place, she just needed a moment alone to find it again. She gave some final remark to her sister, unthinkingly, and tried to do just that. Elsa had a pounding headache, all the noise was getting to her, and everything needed to shut down. Now.

"The party is over, close the gates."

Yes, the gates, she needed her safety back, the open gates were a threat, a threat pounded into her head by her father. Anna was calling after her, but she was drawn in to a memory of the past.

She was twelve and starting to shoot up in height, she remembered she'd had a growth spurt recently because earlier that week her father had gifted her with a new pair of gloves. She always hugged her hands in close to her body, a way to comfort herself and protect those around her from her unpredictable power. That day was just like any other, but as she was shuttled carefully from her room to her father's office, she heard some servants chattering in the hallway. They were speculating on how long the gates would remain closed.

"Father, can I ask you a question?" She'd long since stopped calling him papa, their interactions seems far too serious nowadays to get away with something so informal.

"Of course, what is it?"

"I heard some people, servants, wondering about the gates. When do you think you'll open them again?"

She watched her father think about how to respond for a few moments.

"Elsa, you understand why you stay in your room or in here at all times right?"

"Yes, it's so I don't hurt anyone again, because I'm dangerous," this statement seemed to pain her father, but she wasn't sure how else she could have said it.

"Yes, well," the king continued, " the gates are closed for a similar reason."

Young Elsa was horrified for a moment, wondering just how dangerous she must be if even the gates were closed because of her. She never meant to hurt anyone and she tried so hard to learn to control herself.

The king, noticing the distress on his daughters face, quickly continued with, "they are not closed to protect everyone else from you, but to protect you from everyone else. Remember what the troll king said? Your powers frighten other people because they do not understand them. People who are frightened are in a different state of mind; they do things that would seem odd or wrong to them if their minds weren't clouded over with fear. I want to keep you safe, so until you learn to conceal your power the gates will remain closed."

"What did I ever do to you?"

She was brought back to herself and the present by a voice filled with bitterness.

"What?"

"I said, what did I ever do to you?" Anna was angry now, and stalking towards the platinum blonde. "I don't understand what I could have possibly done to deserve this treatment! Why do you shut me out, why do you always shut everything out?!"

"Enough Anna, please." Elsa was getting desperate now. She had to get away, had to find somewhere and calm down. Where was the indifference, the apathy? The storm hiding in her mind was getting bigger and stronger, and it was threatening to break. Flashes of lightening went off in her psyche, warnings of an imminent melt down; this was not going to be pretty.

_Conceal don't feel…conceal don't feel…concealdon'tfeelconcealdon'tfeelconcealdon'tfeel. _The mantra was proving useless as she tried to project an outward calm while she walked away.

"What are you so afraid of?!"

That was it. The Ice Queen shattered.

"ENOUGH" She shouted and ice went everywhere.

_Shit_.


	4. Chapter 4

~~ELSA~~

Elsa looked at the outward manifestation of her fear and anger, ice. It surrounded her and pointed threateningly at the crowd, promising protection to its master. The gathering was now characterized by horrified faces that were just as scared as she, the ice queen heard mutterings of sorcery, but the only face she could see was Anna's. The young red head wore her emotions on her sleeve; she had never mastered the art of royal obfuscation. Elsa could see her sister was shocked, scared, and angry? She didn't expect the last one, and could not bear to see it any longer. It was just a few seconds between the manifestation of power and her decision to run; she remembered her original plan to get away before anything like this went down.

_I've got to get out of here_. She thought to herself, as the shock wore off and let the panic seep through again.

Elsa burst through the doors and found herself in the courtyard, where her people had gathered in celebration. Her social anxieties settled in on top of the fear and panic like a cherry resting on a Sunday, completing her cocktail of emotions. She lost all regal control and just started dashing about, not caring how it looked to the bewildered subjects. They were trying to congratulate her and offer up praises to her name and reign. All she could see were the walls closing in around her. _I can't breathe_.

She heard the palace doors bang open and people were calling her name, all she needed was some space. She backed into the ornate fountain and her ungloved hand made contact with the water. Instantly a perfect ice sculpture of the flowing water rose up before the crowd.

"Sorcery!" someone yelled.

With that the platinum blonde realized that running to a quiet place within her palace was out of the question, in fact, she was going to need to leave the kingdom if she was to survive the mob. Guards were actually coming after her, she noticed with a flare of indignation, and then she was back to borderline hysteria as her unreliable ice powers shot shards at the palace guards. I've got to get out of here before I actually hurt someone. She ran to the water, wondering if her body temp had dropped enough to freeze the sea to ice. She whispered a prayer and stepped out onto the fjord.

Some part of her mind took the time to marvel at the power seeping form her toes that was allowing her to escape so effectively. Most of her was just concentrating on running as fast and far away as possible. For a second the frightened girl thought she heard her sister call out, but she discounted it quickly, that would be too much to hope for. She finally lost herself in her panic and just ran.

She was halfway up the north mountain before she stopped thinking like a fleeing animal and more like a rational human being. The Ice Queen stopped to take in her surroundings, _how did I even get here?_ Her panic attack had blocked out most of her memories of the last few hours. She thought about the events leading up to her "coming out" so to say.

"Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know" she mumbled cynically, _well now they know_. The wandering monarch glanced back in the direction she'd come, "I guess all my dreams have come true," bitterness invading her voice, "I can be done now."

Instead, for the first time in a long time, the young queen felt light and free. Just that morning she thought that a large part of her wanted her people to find out and come after her with pitchforks and torches.

"It looks like you got your wish," she chuckled wryly to herself and she trekked through the snow. "Funny thing is, maybe you don't really want to die after all."

Now there was an interesting thought. For so long the solemn girl had wanted nothing but the chance to stop, yet when it was presented on a silver platter she had done nothing but run.

The storm inside her head that she'd been cut off from for so long had finally been broken. All of the energy she'd constantly used to keep it bottled up and safe was now free, and it coursed through her veins in a shot of exhilaration. _But if it's not bottled up inside my head anymore… _she looked up, _oh, there it is._ The Snow Queen felt a tenuous connection between her and the storm brewing above her head, the power flowing through her body and into the air was palpable – she could almost taste it.

A memory from her childhood popped and grabbed her attention. She was thirteen and puberty was wreaking havoc on her already dubious control. She was starting to get desperate and trying to come up with better ways to control herself. The young princess thought that maybe if she practiced using her powers on purpose, that NOT using them on purpose would get easier. She tapped into the storm at the back of her mind and let a delicate stream of power flow through her fingertips. She was so deep in concentration that she didn't hear the door open behind her. "What are you doing?" She jumped at the sound of her father's quiet voice and the model ice castle she'd been building shattered. She turned to meet his gaze and shrunk as it grew hard and cold. "Are you _playing_ with your powers? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Do you even care?" Tears formed in the girl's eyes and she looked away as the room quickly frosted over, her father had never spoken to her this way before. "Well?!, Answer me!" He grabbed her arm and tried to force her to look at him. She panicked and her powers came forth, unsummoned, to protect her. She watched in horror as the king was thrown back against the wall by a sheet of ice. The princess fled from her father's study in tears, fearing the worst, and waited the remainder of the day for her coming execution.

The expected outcome never came, and her father visited her later that night. He was a bit sore, but okay overall. He apologized for scaring her, and explained that he was scared when he found her playing with something so dangerous. He emphasized again the importance of concealing and ignoring her powers; he forgave her for her lack of control, and used this as a lesson for how important control was.

The queen wrenched herself away from the memory. _No_. Back then she didn't even bother to defend her actions to her father, she didn't have the guts to tell him that all his lessons on control were useless. That she was slowly but surely losing grasp of the power entirely and soon only luck could be blamed for whatever "control" she exhibited.

Slowly the slender blonde reach out and grabbed her tenuous connection to the storm above and let the power flow through her fingers, from the air into the ground. She thought back to the last time she did this, she built a tiny castle, and pictured it all around her. That one thought crystalized in her mind, becoming clearer as she closed her eyes and added more and more detail. Icy winds blasted around her as she poured all of herself into her power, feeling more alive than she'd felt in years. _I am never going back, the past is in the past _she thought, as she let it go and finally opened her eyes to witness the beauty of her creation.

"Well," she said with a small grin as she stood in the center of her ice castle, "at least the cold never bother me anyway."

~~ANNA~~

Anna paced back and forth at the stairs leading up to the ice castle. "This is it!" She said out loud, trying to psych herself up to go knock on the door. Kristoff and Olaf were looking at her like she was insane, but the redhead did her best to block them out and focus on the task at hand.

She needed to talk to her sister and get her to thaw out Arendelle; easy, right? Anna thought back to the disastrous end to the party the night before. How terrified Elsa had looked, like a cornered animal, eyes desperately searching for any means of escape. It was difficult to correlate that version of Elsa with the one she'd looked up to her entire life. In Anna's world, Elsa was the aloof older sister, perfect in every way, and in need of no one. She was a loner because she was better than every one else, she was meant to be queen, and future queens don't have the time or the want to hang out with their adopted baby sisters.

But this Elsa… This Elsa had ice powers and what looked very convincingly like panic attacks. Anna had been with a chambermaid one time she'd had a panic attack, and after much pestering the castle doctor had explained to the little princess what one was, how to recognize it, and what to do to help if someone is having one. Anna loved the castle doctor and was always pestering him to teach her stuff like that, her father had allowed her to indulge in such knowledge. As long as she'd understood it would always be a hobby, princesses were not doctors after all.

The redheaded princess then went back to berated herself for not recognizing the body language of the queen, her sister's movements were practically screaming "get away I can't handle this" _before _ice shot out of her hands. For a moment, Anna regretted pushing so hard, but then she remembered that if she hadn't, nothing would ever change.

For years all she wanted was to be noticed by her big sister, to know that Elsa loved her and wanted her. She'd put the young monarch up on a pedestal and figured that Elsa didn't want her, because Elsa didn't need her. Now it was different, now she knew she was needed, the feisty princess wanted to storm in and save the day! She knew the secret and Elsa didn't need to protect her anymore. It was her turn to protect Elsa.

With that final thought, Anna steeled her will and marched up the steps. She hesitated for a moment at the doors, remembering all the years Elsa shut her out. _No_. This time she wouldn't take a shut door for an answer; _love is an open door_ she thought. It was time for her to open Elsa's door.

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long, I had major writer's block. I'm still not happy with how this chapter turned out, but I had to get through it in order to get to the part I REALLY wanted to write. Reads and Review's are always loved, next chapter shouldn't be too much of a wait**.


	5. Chapter 5

Elsa was relaxing, basking in safety of the isolation, when she heard a very unexpected sound. It sounded like the door at the entrance to her castle was opening. She disbelievingly leapt up to check, her heels clicking on the ice and her body moving freely in her new crystalline dress.

The Snow Queen's mind went blank when she leaned over the railing and was met with the sight of her baby sister. There was a slighter flutter of something unrecognizable, before anxiety came crashing in, dragging her from the heights back down into its black depths below.

"Elsa? It's me, Anna."

_No no no no no no, _this was the one person she cared about. The last person she wanted to see right now. To hell with the rest of the kingdom, but she had to protect her sister. It was too dangerous for her to be here, with her powers just running amok, no semblance or effort to control and keep them in.

With monumental effort, the struggling blonde pulled herself away from the panic and fought against the anxiety. This time would be different; she'd built a castle for gods' sakes! Her father was wrong and her anxiety was telling her lies, she could control her powers if she could control her fears.

"Wow, Elsa, you look… Different. But it's a good different! And this place… it's amazing."

Amazing? Elsa perked up at that word; Anna thought her castle was amazing? "Thank you," she responded quietly, looking around again at the sparkling ice. "I never knew what I was capable of" A touch of bitterness crept her voice, as she remembered why she never knew she could do this.

"Hey, listen." Anna continued as she started making her way up the steps, "I'm really sorry about the party, I came all this way, to maybe give us a fresh start?"

The young monarch fought the urge to shy away from her approaching sister, "that's a great idea," her public speaking instructor would have been appalled at the waver in her voice. She cleared her throat and continued, "I'm so glad you can see the real me," she gained strength as real happiness trickled into her voice. "You have no idea how great it feels to be free," she finished with a small smile.

Anna visibly grew more excited with the surprisingly warm reception she was being given. "No, I never understood, but now I do! Life's way too short to miss out on having you for a sister." She grinned happily, "So you'll come back to Arendelle? Everything can be normal again?"

"Normal?" The elder sister questioned. "You mean put on the gloves again?"

There was the slow panic coming back, she promised herself she wouldn't go back, not like this. It wasn't safe, people weren't safe. All her life she'd kept away from people, so she wouldn't hurt them and they couldn't hurt her. Dread slowly crept up her spine. No one would understand her powers; they would call her a witch and a sorcerer. _Just a few days ago I would have welcomed that fate. _But the snow queen had a taste of glorious freedom and Arendelle held nothing but a past full of locked doors.

"Well yeah, I mean, it's getting kinda cold," Anna replied, the teasing tone doing nothing to alleviate her sister's fear.

"Wait, so that's your plan? Just throw me back in a cage, 'tell Elsa to shove her gloves back on so every one else can live in peace' is that it?"

Elsa wasn't prepared for the cynical bitter words that flew past her lips. All of her fear and anxiety turned into anger. She clenched her fists at her sides and her whole body tensed in a fight or flight reaction. It was pure adrenaline coursing through her body, the fear of a cornered animal facing its abuser. But the only person there was her sweet, lovely little sister; she tried to fight off the emotions, to find a semblance of rationality. The young monarch just wanted to breathe.

"Hey, whoa, we are obviously not on the same page right now, let's just calm down and talk about this. You set off an eternal winter and we need to deal with that. You know, we are the queen and the princess, we have our duties!"

But the Ice Queen couldn't breathe; she latched on to a spark of indignation and spat out the first words that came to mind.

"Since when have you ever cared about duties? You've always slacked off and avoided every single tutor you ever had! You know what? Thanks a lot for coming around and showing off your mastery of tact and grace, but why don't you just run along and leave me the hell alone."

Elsa couldn't stop herself; she was feeling so intensely after so many years of not feeling anything at all. Her heart was pounding in her ears, it was too much, Anna needed to leave. Now.

"Look, I was only trying to help-"

"Like I need your help, you're a fool who only see what you want to see, you tried to marry a stranger for gods' sakes." Elsa turned away and winced at her own words, she couldn't possibly mean any of that. She ran out to the balcony, attempting to cut herself off from the intensity of what she was feeling. At the same time cutting herself off from her sister with the slamming of the door.

~~ANNA~~

"There it is! The door you love to slam in my face." The fiery redhead lost her cool at the sight of the closed door. "You have no idea what I've been through! You take a cheap shot about me marrying a stranger, but what else am I supposed to do? Where else am I supposed to find love? You treat me like a leper, like I'm not worth your time or attention. And you're my SISTER. Is my own sister doesn't think 'm worth anything, then how am I supposed to think anyone else will? At least this "stranger" took the chance to get to know to me, to pay attention to me, at least he acted like he cared." Anna ranted at the closed door, spitting her words with vitriol and pent up fury. "If this is your version of "sisterly support" then I am done with it. I don't have to sit here and keep taking your… your… your cold! You're just so cold to me and to everyone around you. I swear I have done nothing but love–"

Anna stopped midsentence, listening to the other side of the door. She was so used to ranting to complete silence, that the muffled sounds stopped her in her tracks.

For the first time, Anna was on the opposite side of the door as the sobbing. Her anger immediately cooled and remorse roiled through her stomach. She remembered why she had come up here in the first place – her sister needed her. Anna pushed away the hurt from the stinging remarks that had been thrown her way, and tried to remind herself that it was just a defense mechanism. The younger of the two berated herself once again, fearing that she'd pushed her sister too hard and launched another panic attack. What was she so afraid of? Anna tried to think back to the last time her sister had talked to her, before the doors had shut. She remembered there was fun… But nothing else, _how long has she had these ice powers? _Anna turned around and leaned her back up against the door; it was a familiar position for her, although the muffled crying on the other side was new. She took a deep breath and focused on what she knew. _Is the ice magic the reason for her staying away from me? Could it really have nothing to do with my being adopted? _Anna latched on to that thought. She needed to believe that her sister reciprocated her love with the same intensity and to be reassured that she wasn't just a spare. If Elsa was terrified of her powers, then every time she had pushed the redhead away was an act of protection. Every agonizingly closed door was a sign of love, not rejection.

Anna attempted to quietly contain her excitement at her own conclusions and tried a new tactic; "you don't have to protect me, I'm not afraid." The princess rested her head against the door, "please don't shut me out again, you don't have to keep your distance anymore."

The muffled sobs grew louder.

The redhead decided to keep with the theme of breaking old patterns and slid open the door. She saw the broken queen huddled up against the wall; forehead on her knees and hugging herself tightly, and the sight broke Anna's heart. She swiftly knelt down and placed her arm around the shaking shoulders, feeling a thrill as it was the first time she'd touch her sister gods know how long. She whispered softly, "Listen, for the first time in forever, I finally understand. We can fix this, just you and me, it's going to be okay." She held her older sister close in an attempt to comfort, "you don't have to live in fear anymore Elsa, I'm right here for you."

After a time, the sobs turned to sniffles and she felt the queen's body stiffen in an attempt to regain control. She felt her sister take a deep breath, "Anna, I know you mean well. But I need you to go home to Arendelle. This is not the place for you, I'll be fine, go open up the gates, the people already love you. You need to go back to the city and rule, like I know papa always wanted you to." The sentence seemed to take everything out of her.

"Elsa, I don't care what papa wanted" _Where did that come from? _She scrunched up her nose at the thought, but continued. "You need me right now and I'm not going anywhere."

The young monarch sighed and seemed to crumple even further into herself, the image filling Anna's chest with a new feeling. This was the Elsa she'd always wanted to know, the one that didn't deny she needed her baby sister. The one that let herself cry and be held. A fierce wave of protectiveness and love washed over Anna, and she felt more strongly than she ever had before.

"You... you have to stay away from me, it's not safe," the blonde rasped out, but made no move to pull away. If anything, Anna felt the girl sink further into her arms.

A new thought occurred to her, "how do you know I slacked off in my studies?" She questioned her older sister.

"I've always kept tabs on you Anna…" Came the subdued answer. When-Whenever I wasn't… allowed to see you. I would ask papa about you. Or the tutors we shared… I'd watch you out the window… I just wanted to know if you were ok. You know... in the days and weeks where you sat outside my door, but didn't talk to me..." The blonde's words were muffled and stuttered, but the love and fear was evidenced in every syllable.

Anna wasn't sure what happened, but when those icy blue eyes finally lifted up to meet hers, something clicked. Never one to think before she acted, the redhead shifted so she was on her knees in front of the crouched blonde. She held those eyes in a firm gaze and leaned down to touch her forehead to her sister's. "It's going to be ok, I love you." She heard her sister's breath quicken and her own heart raced in her ears. The princess leaned in closer, begging her sister to understand and believe her. They were sharing the same air, noses brushing, Anna decided to take the initiative and do what felt right. And with that, she tilted her head forward just a bit and captured her sister's lips with her own.

**A/N: Most of the dialogue is based off of the songs "Life's too short," which was a cut song from frozen (please go listen to it if you haven't heard it yet), and For the First Time in Forever Reprise. Ever since I heard Life's Too Short, I've been curious as to how the scene in the movie would have gone if they had kept both songs. I like the idea of giving them the fight they never got to have in the movie. So that's what I attempted to do, plus the Elsanna of course. R&amp;R**


	6. Chapter 6

~~ELSA~~

For a moment, Elsa let herself get lost in the sensation of those warm, soft lips ghosting along her own. Then she felt them anchor against her own, in a firm embrace. A tiny whimper escaped her throat and kissed back hungrily, never before feeling so good, so right. Until reality stepped back in.

With a cry she yanked her chilled body away from the warm inviting one of her sister's. "What, Anna, we can't. I can't." She saw the frost seeping from her fingers and growing along the walls, "You need to go, right now."

The disoriented girl ignored the passing look of hurt in her sister's eyes and she scrambled to her feet, rushing to get back into the main room of the castle. Anything to get away from the confinement of the balcony.

The queen could feel her anxiety gaining control of her powers, as they reached out to help, to protect her from imagined harm. It would have been comforting, had the fear not been caused by her sister's actions. Tendrils of ice swirled on the floor at her feet and frost crept over the walls. She tried to bring it all into herself, but it was too late, she'd lost control. _Or maybe I never had any control in the first place._

_ "_Don't panic, please, we can work this out together. Don't go back into your fear, don't let it control you"

Anna's voice could barely make it through the chaos encroaching on her mind. But her eyes caught the redhead trying to move closer, approaching her like a wild animal _well that's a fit description, I'm no less a danger to her. _

The Ice Queen held out a hand to stop her, "Anna please, you'll only make it worse."

"We can face this thing together, you aren't alone any more, you don't have to go through this alone"

_What is she even talking about? The kiss? Anna I'm just trying to focus on not killing you right now._

"Anna, I'm serious, please…." The pain in her voice was evident; the power within her wanted nothing more than to lash out. "You're not safe here."

"Nonsense," _how did she get so close _, "I know you would never hurt me."

Elsa saw her sister's reassuring smile and tried so hard to hold on to it, but the power was too much. Anxiety took over and regret washed through her body. "Anna," She whispered, "I can't."

And the Ice Queen let it go.

All of a sudden, she was eight years old again, staring in horror at her sister's body lying on the floor. Only this time, instead of rushing to her side to see if she was okay, the young queen stood frozen. Only this time, there were no parents to come to the rescue. Only this time, there was no one to tell her what to do.

"Elsa, it's okay, I'm okay, please come here." Anna voice broke through her haze of reminiscence and worry over the current situation. Elsa watched as her sister tried to get up, only to fall again, clutching her heart.

She wanted more than anything to go to her sister, but she couldn't move.

"What's- Anna! Are you okay? What happened to you?!" A man rushed over to her sister's side and helped her to her feet.

"Kristoff! It's fine, I'm fine, just-"

Elsa finally found her voice, "Take her out of here, it's not safe, you have to get her somewhere safe. _Now_." She looked at Kristoff desperately, trying to convey the urgency of the situation through her eyes. He seemed to understand, because he nodded and move to take Anna out of there.

"NO, I'm not leaving, please, I know we can work this out together." The love and determination were clear in Anna's voice. Elsa met her gaze and saw nothing but strength and the light pure devotion.

_I don't deserve her… but I have to save that light, _was all she could think. The frost was still creeping along the walls, menacing and increasing the cold. The snow queen could feel the danger seeping out of her.

'How? What power do you have to stop this storm? To stop me." _It doesn't matter; _she broke off her gaze and looked at the floor, desperation starting to show in her movements again. She had to get her sister to safety. The storm whispered softly in the back of her mind, promising safety and protection. She saw her sister step forward again and instinct took over.

"You have to leave," her voice was broken, but determined. She flung her power into the floor and up rose a giant snow monster. The storm in her mind reassured her that no harm would come to the two unwanted guests, and she turned away as the creature removed them from the castle.

A few moments later she felt a flush of anger coming over her snow creature at something Anna had done. She let a bubble of mirth burst through her haze of anger and worry for a moment _of course Anna would throw a snowball at a giant snow monster. _But she quickly reigned in the beast's instincts for retaliation and gave more specific orders to it, before letting it slip into autonomy.

The snow queen went back to pacing. Her heels clicked on the icy floor and the sound echoed in the empty castle. Isolation. Familiar memories of her childhood rose up to meet her in the darkening space. With every move she made, the ice was getting thicker and more dangerous, matching the whirlwind of thoughts going around in her head.

The ice queen couldn't believe what a fool she'd been, to think she could ever live free, to think that happiness would ever be an option for her. The joy she had felt earlier at the release of her powers was now gone, nothing but a fleeting memory. She had been convinced this was the best decision, that this would keep her sister safe, but now she was lost again. Her sister.

The pacing paused and she touched her fingers to her lips. Everything was calm for a brief time, the storm outside and inside quieted as she remembered those soft lips on hers. A smile graced her features for a moment, before confusion washed over them again. Yet even the confusion couldn't stem the flood of warmth rushing through her body or stop the spark of something unrecognizable flicker within her mind again.

~~ANNA~~

She was cold. Colder than she had ever felt in her entire life. The ache seeped from her chest and radiated outward. She was a tough kid, always had been, she was quite active as a youngster and never let scrapes, bruises, or even broken bones slow her down. Keeping this in mind, she tried not to let the searing pain show, there was no need to worry her two companions after all.

But strength of will and sheer determination can only get you so far and it wasn't long before the redhead stumbled to her knees. _Come on, get up. _She willed her body to move, but it refused to obey her commands.

"Hey, are you ok?" Kristoff knelt down beside her, concern etched in deeply in his face.

"Yeah I'm fine," She clenched her fingers in the snow, trying again to gain control of the pain. From the look on the mountain man's face, her reassurances weren't very convincing. "My sister, she hit me… with her magic," she struggled to get the words out, "She… she didn't mean to-" She shuddered as another spasm of cold ripped through her body.

"I'm going to take you to see my family, they are really good with stuff like this, with magic." The large blonde waited for her acquiescence and then offered to give her a hand up.

The red head shook her head, grit her teeth and called on a reserve of stubborn will from deep within her being. She forced her body to stand up and move forward, casting aside Kristoff's offer to help. The sooner she got better, the sooner she could go back to her sister and knock some sense into the pretty blonde head of hers. She kept that thought in mind, using it as fuel to keep her body moving and marched right past the dumb founded snowman and mountain man.

Anna forced a cheery tone and called back to them, "get your jaws outta the snow and come on boys! Gotta go meet these "looooove experts." She winked at Kristoff and then laughed at the face he made.

_I can do this. _This was her element. She knew how to force a laugh and fake a smile. She knew how to keep going when people were watching. She knew how to bring sunshine to someone else's world, no matter how dark her own was.

**A/N: Sorry this is shorter than usual, but I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer for an update! I hope you all like it, R&amp;R please**


End file.
